I recently talked to a dad who told me about raising his two sons. He was a man of rugged determination, shaped by years of hard labor and challenging lessons. To his two boys, Jake and Ben, he was both a figure of authority and a pillar of strength. He believed that toughness was the key to success, a lesson he learned from his upbringing. His expectations were high, and his demeanor was often unyielding.
When Jake was younger, this dad's approach was a mix of stern discipline and rare affection. He demanded excellence in everything Jake did, from schoolwork to chores. Every missed mark or perceived weakness was met with a harsh reprimand, leaving Jake feeling like he was never quite good enough. The dad focused on forging resilience in his sons, but the constant pressure eroded Jake's spirit. The boy who once loved baseball now dreaded each game, each practice, fearing his father's disapproval more than he feared losing.
On the other hand, Ben benefited from a slightly different approach. The dad was firm but allowed for more leniency in Ben's pursuits. He enthusiastically celebrated Ben's small victories and was quick to offer a shoulder when things went awry. This balance of firmness and flexibility gave Ben a strong sense of self-worth and resilience, encouraging him to pursue his interests with a joyful spirit.
One evening, as Dad reflected on his sons, he realized that his approach to Jake had been too one-dimensional. He saw how Ben thrived under a blend of tough love and encouragement and understood that this balance might have helped Jake, too.
Determined to make amends, the dad began to shift his approach with Jake. He still held high expectations but tempered them with more support and praise. Over time, Jake's confidence began to rebuild, and the father-son relationship healed. The dad learned that a gentle touch nurtured the spirit while a firm hand could forge strength. The blend of harsh and lenient was not just a method but the key to guiding his boys toward their best selves.
How about you? Do you have a balance of harsh or lenient?
Watch for the blind spots.
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