My Emotional Controller

There are times in relationships when I give away my emotional remote control. It’s as if I hand someone else my controller, like a video game joystick, and they begin to steer my reactions. When that happens, I stop showing up as my best self. I stop leading with maturity and begin reacting from a place of wounded emotion. It’s a quiet but powerful shift. One minute, I’m calm and grounded. The next, I’m angry, withdrawn, defensive, or overly accommodating, responding to their mood instead of my values.

Ouch!

When I allow others to control my emotions, I lose sight of who I am. My emotional maturity slips through my fingers. Instead of pausing, reflecting, and choosing my response, I get swept into the moment and react impulsively. When my anxiety goes up, my intellect decreases. I raise my voice, shut down, or try to prove a point I don’t believe in. I stop listening. I stop being curious. I forget that I have choices.

It’s a painful and embarrassing pattern. And afterward, I usually feel regret. I think, “Why did I let them get to me?” or “That’s not who I want to be.” I know I’m capable of more. I know that true power is not about controlling someone else; it’s about controlling myself. But in those heated moments, I forget. I forget that I can pause, breathe, and choose a different path.

The good news is emotional maturity is like a muscle. I can strengthen it. I can notice the warning signs when I start handing over the controller: tight shoulders, shallow and rapid breathing, racing thoughts, and the urge to prove or withdraw. And when I notice, I can choose differently. I can take the controller back. I can act with integrity, not impulse, because I want to be in charge of myself at the end of the day. I want to respond, not react. I want to lead my life with intention, not let someone else play me like a game.

Do you ever give up your emotional controller?

Watch for the blind spots.