How do you get someone to see their blind spots?
Remember, blind spots are things we unknowingly say or do that push others away from us. Bringing someone's awareness to the fact that they are creating an unkind or unpleasant experience for us is a delicate matter. Defensiveness comes when I want to point out a blind spot, and the other feels attacked and wants to deny what feels like finger-pointing. Most of us want to hear good things about ourselves, and when we hear something negative, it puts us in a recoil state. At times, receiving feedback can be very difficult, especially if a lack of confidence or shame may possibly be present.
In any relationship, one size does not fit all. What works for one person may not work for another. You must stay agile as you work to get your point across. If you relent, it is much more difficult to restart the process. If you submit to the negative blind spot, it will continue to haunt both of you.
To help someone overcome a blind spot means you want to help them create an opportunity to connect and be close instead of creating distance. It is to create an opening where both people win.
Making the statement, "I'm in a double bind, it is dang if I do and danged if I don't. I'm afraid it will upset you if I tell you I'm offended. If I don't tell you I'm offended, I'm afraid you'll continue to offend me, and it will cause more distance down the road." This asks the other to join you in your dilemma and collectively work through the issue. Being inviting is the key. In healthy relationships, one partner does not want the other to be in a bind and will do whatever is necessary to relieve the pressure.
Also making statements about yourself is extremely defusing and creates less defensiveness.
"I am feeling pushed away."
"I want something better for us."
"I want to feel safe in your presence."
"I want to feel pursued again."
How about you? How do you point out someone’s blind spots?
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