My friends Ralph and Robin have been hurt and in pain for the last 2 to 4 years. They have very young and challenging children, and most of their focus and attention at home involves raising them.
Young children have many needs and wants. Appeasing them can be intrusive to a marriage. The emphasis shifts to the children, and the pursuit of their marital connection takes a back seat after some time. It is a slow and deadly erosion, and because of this, their relationship grows cold.
Together they sought an outsider's view of their circumstances. They knew that letting go of relational pain would be challenging but essential in moving forward and finding healing.
They looked for sage advice and support. Having someone to listen, initiate new strategies, and provide comfort and encouragement was difficult but helpful to hear.
They began to focus on the following:
They started to express and feel the emotions connected to the suffering, such as differing parenting methods, feeling unpursued, despair, or disappointment, in a healthy way rather than trying to hide or reject their feelings. This was done by talking about themselves and not the other. "I'm frustrated; I'm confused; I'm hurt; I do not feel pursued." Acknowledging rather than holding or stuffing pain can provide necessary relief.
Initiating self-care by attending to themselves physically, emotionally, and spiritually. This includes getting enough sleep, eating nutritious food, exercising, practicing prayer, mindfulness, and meditation.
Practicing forgiveness. This is not about condoning the other person's behavior but rather about releasing themselves from the anger and resentment they were holding. This involves writing a letter to the person or simply letting go of the negative emotions associated with the relationship.
Focusing on the present and refusing to dwell on the past or worry about the future. Instead, focus on the present moment and the things they can control.
Remember, letting go of relational pain is a process that will take time. Be patient with yourself and continue to take steps toward healing and growth.
Are you now, or have you in the past experienced this Ralph and Robin story?
There is still time to go back and implement the items listed above.
Watch for the blind spots.
Please comment, like, and share, I appreciate your input.
You can get a copy of my book below.
Blind Spots in Relationships
What I don't know I don't know about Myself
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