The Glass/Pan Paradox

Here’s an argument that seems simple, but it’s quite common and problematic:

“You left a glass in the sink.”

“Well, you left a pan on the stove.”

“Why do you always turn it around on me?”

“I didn’t turn it around; you pointed out a fact, and I pointed out a fact. How is that turning it around?”

“Oh, you’re impossible to talk to.”

“No, I’m not!”

Sound familiar? When there’s unresolved tension between two people, even a small comment can easily be heard as a complaint. Often, one partner feels like they’re falling short of the other’s expectations, which can make them defensive when they feel criticized.

This type of exchange often leads to frustration and miscommunication. Both people end up feeling justified but also disconnected and unappreciated.

The trick is learning to recognize a complaint and deal with it directly. Don’t let hurt feelings push you to turn things into a back-and-forth blame game. After all, how much effort does it take to fix the issue? It’s about resolving the problem without letting emotions spiral out of control.

By admitting and fixing a mistake immediately, you solve the issue and show your partner that you care. Instead of seeing it as a win-lose situation, consider it a simple way to make your partner feel appreciated. When they win, you win. When they lose, you lose. And if there’s another issue, like that pan on the stove, bring it up later—there’s no need to keep score.

Is arguing about the glass in the sink worth the distance it creates?

Our culture teaches us to win at all costs. I agree with that regarding the marketplace; however, I say it is wise to surrender to win in relationships.

How about you? Can you swallow your pride and create a winning situation, or is it too important for you to win?

Watch for the blind spots.

Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp