We are Teachers

Whether we recognize it or not, we always teach people how to treat us. Not through lectures or instructions, but through our actions, boundaries, and responses.

If I constantly say yes when I want to say no, I teach people that my time and energy are always available. If I stay silent when hurt, I teach people that my feelings don't need to be considered. If I tolerate disrespect, I send the message that I'll accept it.

The truth is that people will treat me the way I allow them to. That may sound harsh, but it's also incredibly empowering. It means that I have more influence than I think. Being a pushover is unattractive. Standing up with a backbone exudes health.

Many years ago, I was talking to Lisa, who came to me feeling invisible in her friendships. She said, "They only call when they need something. No one checks in to see how I am." When we looked deeper, Lisa realized she was always quick to offer help, never expressed when she felt used, and rarely asked for anything in return.

Something surprising happened when she began setting gentle boundaries—saying, "I can't do that today," or simply not responding immediately. Some people disappeared, but others stepped up. They started checking in more and asking how she was doing. She said, "I finally felt like a real person in the relationship, not just a resource."

A little-known fact is that I train people to treat me well through what I reinforce. When I value myself, speak honestly, and take responsibility for what I allow, I create healthier relationships built on mutual respect.

Where might you be silently teaching people that ignoring your needs is okay? What would drawing a small boundary or speaking a gentle truth look like?

By asking for better treatment, you're not being unkind. You're showing others how to love you in a lasting way.

Givers must set good boundaries because takers have none.

Watch for the blind spots.

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