Self-awareness is one of the most excellent tools I have for growth. Yet, it’s also the most challenging. There’s a peculiar danger in believing I am doing things right when I’m not. It’s not just that I make mistakes; I don’t see the mistakes. And when I’m blind to my errors, I risk causing harm to others and myself.
Here is an example: Jake prides himself on being the problem-solver in his marriage. Whenever his wife, Emily, came home stressed or upset, he acted. Jake would offer advice on handling her boss if she vented about work. He’d create a detailed to-do list to “fix” her day if she mentioned feeling overwhelmed.
One evening, Emily sighed deeply as she recounted a tough conversation with her best friend. As usual, Jake launched into solutions. “You should call her tomorrow and clear the air. Maybe send a thoughtful text tonight—something like—”
Emily interrupted, her tone sharp but weary. “Jake, stop. I don’t need you to fix this. I need you to listen.”
Her words hit him like a brick. Jake froze, feeling defensive. “I’m just trying to help,” he said.
“I know,” Emily replied, softer now. “But sometimes, your ‘help’ makes me feel like you think I can’t handle things alone. It’s not what I need, and it’s frustrating when you don’t see that.”
Jake thought he was doing the right thing, stepping up and offering solutions. But he realized he hadn’t paused to ask what Emily needed from him. Jake was unintentionally creating distance, not connection, this is when good intentions miss the mark.
From that night on, Jake consciously tried to listen first and offer advice only if Emily asked. Over time, he noticed a change in their relationship. Emily felt more understood, and Jake learned that sometimes, being “right” wasn’t about solving the problem but about being present.
My intentions may be good in relationships, but my actions can still miss the mark. The key is to listen, ask, and remain open to the idea that what feels right to us may not be right for someone else.
Watch for the blind spots.
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