Jody and Dawn gossiped a lot about their friends in their group. When recalling their pals' "inadequacies" and "oddities," the two of them laughed heartily. The gang had known each other for years, and for whatever reason, the gossip had persisted. They didn't stop to even consider why they gossiped or the repercussions of gossip.
Recently, Jody realized that her pals may also be gossiping and spreading rumors about her. It is easy to project onto others the things we are doing [Blind Spot].
This awful blind spot came out of nowhere and she started making up a “worry story.”
She suddenly felt uneasy. Her hands began to tremble, and her cheeks and neck began to blush. She began to believe that they discovered her gossiping and feared she would be expelled from the group.
She moved over into her reptilian brain, survival mode, the instinct of fight, flight, or freeze, her mind kept her reeling about whether they liked her. She became somewhat paranoid, deciding that they only liked her because she hosted many of the gatherings.
Jody began messaging everyone with funny memes. She would use their replies to judge if she was secure because she wanted to reclaim her place in the group, even if just in her own mind.
As she allows these thoughts to ping and bounce, her thinking becomes more and more unsettled. How could she truly know…???
Like Jody, we find ourselves in precarious situations causing our own distress. We make up worry stories that are negative and cloud our thinking even more.
Creating these stories in our minds causes us to race from thought to thought, and they don’t do anything to relieve our worries or stressors; now our worry story is producing more stress, and our desire for a sense of calmness doesn’t have a chance.
One thought leads to another and another. Then we go off again on another thought ricocheting and bouncing around until we wear ourselves out and become frustrated, confused, and more anxious.
Cognition is no longer present. How do we stop?
Being aware that our thinking influences our distress.
We must disengage our inner bully; stop, focus, and get control of ourselves—intellect/spirituality up, anxiety down. It is necessary at this time to do all we can do to disengage from our stressful emotions and identify facts and logic rather than hang out in emotional distress. Plus, we learned a valuable lesson on how easy it is for us to get caught up in something and not realize how detrimental it can be until we see it from the other side.
Let’s keep exposing the blind spots.
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Blind Spots in Relationships
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