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- When you don't know what you don't know
So there you are, and all of the sudden you hear ‘that song’ that reminds you of ‘that person.’ And you are emotionally hijacked—just like that. Good or bad, the song interacts with the emotions you have connected with it and it bugs you all day long. “How could they leave?”, “What did I do?”, “Could things have been different?” Or perhaps you walk into work and, without you realizing it, you are put off by a coworker's expression because it makes you think of your father when he was at his most critical of you. Come to find out, the co-worker actually has chronic health issues and their facial expression has nothing to do with you, and they are actually wondering why you will not speak to them. We can often assign meaning where it doesn’t even exist. Blind spot—reaction. Blind spot—reaction. Blind spot—reaction. When you find yourself thinking, “I’ve been here before…this is a familiar painful or frustrating situation…why am I back in this situation again?” It is a sure sign there is a relationship blind spot there. Pay close attention to these reactions and take responsibility for the fact that some type of unprocessed emotional pain is at the root. This opens you to a deeper understanding of yourself, exposes the blind spot, improves connection, and helps you move passed assigning meaning to things that don’t even exist. Keep looking for the blind spots and building a better you. Feel free to share your thoughts, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Sign up to publish your comments. Login with your email, this gives permission and authentication to publish your content on the site. Click "Sign Up" and login with your email and confirm, once you are signed in you will not have to do it again when you return. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #bettereveryday #blindspots #mindsetmastery #leadershipcoaching #counselingworks #buildingrelationships #communicationiskey #inspiration #leader #people #anxietyawareness #stressmanagement #emotionalintelligence #anxietycoach #growthmindset #executivecoaching #relationshipsuccess #mindset #blindspots #joyfulheart
- Emotionally Constipated
With no teaching or training in emotions growing up, in school, or in the Marine Corps, I pushed through life emotionally unaware. Not knowing how to effectively express emotions and share feelings, caused me to be completely blind to how they were impacting my choices, actions, and behaviors. I was ill-equipped to handle being a husband and father, and after 13 years, my first marriage failed. I attempted counseling but it was not for me, and it didn’t work. I did not recognize my contribution to the demise of the marriage until my second marriage began to take on the characteristics of the first. My second adventure in counseling was a very different experience. I was more focused on what I had to lose. I began to research “emotions.” Prior to this, I had only two…happy and mad. Okay, so I was ‘emotionally constipated’, what can I say? Judging my emotions, refusing to acknowledge that I had them, and turning down requests to share them caused a backup of unprocessed emotions that needed an outlet. At the end of the day, the choice was up to me, and choosing to change went a long way to determining whom I became and the direction my life took—both in a practical sense of achieving greater success and in a spiritual sense of becoming a loving and kind human being. If these symptoms apply, it is time to deal with all that emotional "stuff" before it becomes toxic in your relationships. Keep looking for the blind spots and building a better you. Feel free to share your thoughts, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Sign up to publish your comments. Login with your email, this gives permission and authentication to publish your content on the site. Click "Sign Up" and login with your email and confirm, once you are signed in you will not have to do it again when you return. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #bettereveryday #blindspots #mindsetmastery #leadershipcoaching #counselingworks #buildingrelationships #communicationiskey #inspiration #leader #people #anxietyawareness #stressmanagement #emotionalintelligence #anxietycoach
- Compliments are timeless
Making a passing compliment might seem insignificant in the grand scheme of things, but giving compliments is powerful and timeless. Whenever you do something that delights me I may say, “Your creative ideas put a smile on my face.” Sharing this with you makes us both feel good at the moment, but it can also resurrect the same feeling a year or so later and I can re-compliment you on what it meant to me. Here are a few compliments that may remind you of someone or even bring up other compliments that you have given. “Your outlook on life makes me want to live more thoughtfully.” “I admire your determination when you believe in something.” “I love your reassurance when things don’t go as planned. It helps me feel less stressed and confident that we can figure it out together." “I feel safe being vulnerable with you.” “I learned how to be a good person by watching how you treat others.” Compliments will find their way back into our lives day after day, week after week, year after year…they have a perpetually powerful effect on our relationships. Find some time to text, call or meet to chat about what it meant to you and re-compliment them—timeless. Keep looking for the blind spots and building a better you. Feel free to share your thoughts, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Sign up to publish your comments. Login with your email, this gives permission and authentication to publish your content on the site. Click "Sign Up" and login with your email and confirm, once you are signed in you will not have to do it again when you return. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #BetterEveryDay #MentalToughness #servantleadership #stressmanagement #counselingworks #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #relationshipsuccess #mindset #blindspots #personaldevelopment #changeyourmindset #selfawarenessispower #learning #selfawarenessispower #building #communicationskills #complimentsmatter #complimentsomeone
- “Brutal Honesty” can be tricky
I have observed that honesty could stand to be more compassionate rather than brutal. Too many times caustic questions or statements are allowed to steer the mood of a conversation. Being honest has nothing to do with being angry, belittling, mean, or “letting off steam.” [Blind Spot] Every time we communicate, we are not just sharing the information we intend, we are making an indirect statement about how we view the relationship. This is why “brutal honesty” can be tricky. ‘Saying it like it is’ can result in damaged relationships and broken trust. Resolution to conflict looks for agreement and a middle ground. I like to employ a technique I call 'listening beneath the words.’ Listening beneath the words is about being more open, clear, sincere, and authentic. Listening on this level assures the listener will hear the truth rather than a complaint. So speak your truth, honesty is important, but always remind yourself that ‘how you say something’ is just as important as ‘what you say.’ Keep looking for the blind spots and building a better you. Feel free to share your thoughts, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Sign up to publish your comments. Login with your email, this gives permission and authentication to publish your content on the site. Click "Sign Up" and login with your email and confirm, once you are signed in you will not have to do it again when you return. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #BetterEveryDay #MentalToughness #servantleadership #stressmanagement #counselingworks #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #relationshipsuccess #mindset #blindspots #personaldevelopment #changeyourmindset #selfawarenessispower #learning #selfawarenessispower #building #communicationskills
- Blind Spots go both ways
I have been in situations where someone is always grumpy. I mean 'Oscar the Grouch' grumpy. Being in these situations where people are always critical of others, I can find myself being grumpy or critical like it rubs off and it happens every time I am around them. I found myself asking “How come they are always so grouchy or critical?” BLIND SPOTS GO BOTH WAYS. As hard as it may be or sound, the common denominator in these scenarios is 'ME', the stories I tell myself, something I do not see—my blind spot. I am ‘allowing’ them to be grumpy or critical, and that blind spot in me keeps enduring this behavior. In this circumstance I need the courage to look at myself, to meet, see and transform my blind spots. I started seeing I am letting them act this way, and had to start asking myself, “How come I am 'allowing' them to be grouchy?” Seeking the truth about my blind spots now I can shine the light both ways. Because blind spots go both ways. I underestimate how much influence for good I can shed by being better myself. Start with you, and become more conscious of your strengths, areas of opportunity, and the boundaries that you are operating within. Keep looking for the blind spots and building a better you. Feel free to share your thoughts, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Sign up to publish your comments. Login with your email, this gives permission and authentication to publish your content on the site. Click "Sign Up" and login with your email and confirm, once you are signed in you will not have to do it again when you return. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #BetterEveryDay #MentalToughness #servantleadership #stressmanagement #counselingworks #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #relationshipsuccess #mindset #blindspots #personaldevelopment #changeyourmindset #selfawarenessispower #learning #selfawarenessispower #building #communicationskills
- Sometimes you have to be your own hero
I love working with people, especially people who desire to have something much better than what they have been experiencing. I remember an example set by a young man some time ago. He had a difficult circumstance in his family and felt like he was not included or important as others. I will call him Jason. He was 12 when we began to discuss matters about feeling isolated and alone within his family. As I asked ‘gently curious’ questions pertaining to how he wanted his family to be different, he quickly replied, “I want peace in my family.” I asked again and he said, “I want to be praised.” When I ask him a third time, he said, “I want a happy family.” I was amazed by his desires. I wrote these things down quickly and was astonished. I then said, “What behaviors or actions can you change to give it a chance?” The key to success here was not looking for others to change but looking at what he could do differently to give what he wanted an opportunity to change. The actions/behaviors he came up with were remarkable. I utilized the principle of the Weekly Display and we structured it for him to see how his effort could affect his circumstances. When Jason began to modify and alter his behavior, everything transformed slowly over time. At the end of the week, he summarized his achieved results and compared them to his goal. He had given himself an opportunity to have what he said he wanted…happiness, peace, and praise. It can be the same for you, changing a few small actions or behaviors daily, can create successful new habits. Sometimes you have to 'be your own hero for change'; with the Weekly Display, you can monitor on a consistent or regular basis and track your progress. The goals that you set for your daily focus could be everyday activities, hours, minutes, miles, pounds, pages read, or any other things that you would like to measure. Showing up differently gives you the opportunity to have what you say you want. Keep looking for the blind spots and building a better you. Feel free to share your thoughts, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Sign up to publish your comments. Login with your email, this gives permission and authentication to publish your content on the site. Click "Sign Up" and login with your email and confirm, once you are signed in you will not have to do it again when you return. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #BetterEveryDay #MentalToughness #servantleadership #stressmanagement #counselingworks #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #relationshipsuccess #mindset #blindspots #personaldevelopment #thinkbigger #beawesome #herosjourney #leadershipcoaching #leadershipmindset #conqueringfear #jointheride #successmindset
- Just breathe...
I know your to-do list is likely close by and packed with tasks. It is a very ‘busy’ day, just like yesterday and the day before. Busyness can be the blind spot keeping us from recognizing what we desperately need. Billy Graham once said, “Give me five minutes with a person’s checkbook, and I will tell you where their heart is.” I will be so bold as to say the same about your calendar. Time is the greatest gift we have because it is the only thing we will never get back. Sometimes we know there is a better way to do things, but we are just so busy we do not even think we have the time to find it–so we keep going like we always have. [Blind Spot] Do not let ‘busy’ be a thief of your life. Take the time to always count your blessings, ‘practice’ slowing down. Let go of what you cannot control, ‘listen' to your heart. Be productive not ‘busy’ and most of all JUST BREATHE! Keep looking for the blind spots and building a better you. Feel free to share your thoughts, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Sign up to publish your comments. Login with your email, this gives permission and authentication to publish your content on the site. Click "Sign Up" and login with your email and confirm, once you are signed in you will not have to do it again when you return. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #BetterEveryDay #MentalToughness #servantleadership #stressmanagement #counselingworks #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #relationshipsuccess #mindset #blindspots #personaldevelopment #authenticliving #justbreathe #imfineitsfineeverythingsfine
- Locus of Control
I was late for work because the traffic was sooooo bad… I did not get the promotion because the boss does not support me... We lost the game because the ump made awful calls… I cannot go to the movies because it is too expensive… OR... I was late for work because I did not allow for traffic… I did not get the promotion because I did not demonstrate what I was truly capable of… We lost the game because we did not play well…. I cannot go to the movies because I did not budget enough to allow for extras… As seen in each scenario our lives are full of actions and outcomes. Each of us will ascribe to a certain locus of control** over these actions and outcomes. This principle states that you will place the “locus of control” either “externally or internally.” If you place the locus of control “externally,” you are likely to make excuses, complain and blame failures as a result of external factors beyond your control; luck, fate, circumstance, injustice, bias, or prejudice. Like the statements above it was someone or something else's fault like traffic, your boss, the ump, or expenses. If you place the locus of control “internally,” you are likely to believe your own actions determine the outcome and you take responsibility to improve or adjust. Like the statements above, “you” did not allow proper time, did not show who you were and did not play as well or budget wisely. "Locus of control" is how your behaviors, mindsets, and attitudes affect the outcomes of your life. Your motivation, productivity, and reaction to obstacles go hand-in-hand with your thought processes. Rather than viewing yourself as simply a passive bystander who is just caught up in the flow of life, [Blind Spot] think about the right balance and follow up with actions you can take that will have a better impact on the outcome. It is an important building block of self-evaluation, self-perception, and emotional maturity. Striking a balance of extremes is essential to promote your attitude and beliefs accordingly and encourage both internal and external "locus of control" as the demands arise in each situation. Understanding and recognizing the “locus of control” will have a significant impact on your life. Keep looking for the blind spots and building a better you. PFeel free to share your thoughts, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Sign up to publish your comments. Login with your email, this gives permission and authentication to publish your content on the site. Click "Sign Up" and login with your email and confirm, once you are signed in you will not have to do it again when you return. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #BetterEveryDay #MentalToughness #servantleadership #stressmanagement #counselingworks #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #relationshipsuccess #mindset #blindspots #personaldevelopment #authenticliving #locusofcontrol
- Giving too much
From doing, doing, doing, being the go-to person, never charging what you are worth, or the free shoulder for everyone to cry on, “giving too much” can lead to unhealthy parasitic relationships. Generally, givers are people who enjoy being asked if they can help and get satisfaction by giving. The most confounding characteristic of a giver is their inability to recognize “takers”; the people, situations, social structures, and institutions that pursue and attach to them. [Blind Spot] There are lots of takers out there, and if you are a giver, that attachment can suck the life out of you and leave you crippled before you even know what is happening. Eventually, you (as the Host) start feeling, exhausted, wearied, anxious, and dread spending time with the "object of your infection." Giver, when you find yourself attracting parasites, you need to look at yourself and see why you keep becoming infected. It is true, givers need to set great boundaries because takers rarely do. I have observed that “true wholehearted givers” set healthy boundaries that allow them to share their gifts from a place of knowing what is okay for them and what is not. In nature, this is defined as a “symbiotic” relationship, it is mutually beneficial. Giver, you will know you are in a symbiotic relationship when being with another person makes you want to be your best self. You may find yourself motivated to be kinder, more patient, or think the best of others. You will feel inspired to serve without compulsion or guilt. Giving in this way provides a resilient, strong, symbiotic relationship that will build a better you. Keep looking for the blind spots and building a better you. Feel free to share your thoughts, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Sign up to publish your comments. Login with your email, this gives permission and authentication to publish your content on the site. Click "Sign Up" and login with your email and confirm, once you are signed in you will not have to do it again when you return. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #BetterEveryDay #MentalToughness #servantleadership #stressmanagement #counselingworks #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #relationshipsuccess #mindset #blindspots #personaldevelopment #authenticliving #ParasiticRelationships #givingtoomuch
- Taking your temperature
Do you check the temperature of someone else to get a read on what is going on or what you allow in your life, your mind, your business, and your relationships? [Blind Spot] We need to learn to take our own temperature and figure out how we are doing regardless of how anyone else is acting. I don’t find out how I am doing by taking your temperature. Even if everyone is out of sorts or upset you can still be okay, not feel like you need to adjust to accommodate or allow them to dictate your mood and happiness. Here’s the thing—if you do not guard the environment in which you live and work, someone else will. You are in large and in charge, stop taking everyone’s temperature to see how you are doing. Keep looking for the blind spots and building a better you. Feel free to share your thoughts, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Sign up to publish your comments. Login with your email, this gives permission and authentication to publish your content on the site. Click "Sign Up" and login with your email and confirm, once you are signed in you will not have to do it again when you return. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #BetterEveryDay #MentalToughness #servantleadership #stressmanagement #counselingworks #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #relationshipsuccess #mindset #blindspots #personaldevelopment #authenticliving #Thermometerorthermostat #LetThisMindBeInYou
- Secrets kill relationships
I say that if I am going to do anything—like spend money without discussing it first, have a private conversation with someone, go to a place that I should not go, give out information that I should not give out, look for stuff on the internet that I should not look at, I might as well plan on killing my relationships. If you are going to “secret anything” you are treading on thin ice. [Blind Spot] Secrets kill relationships. A secret is defined as something done, made, or conducted without the knowledge of other people. "Do nothing secretly; for time sees and hears all things, and discloses all." ~Sophocles You may be able to bide time before it catches up with you but rest assured it will kill trust and create a barrier to any healthy connection. While differing in reasoning and threat, the underlying problem with secrets is they disqualify authenticity, put a stop to discussion or resolution and you keep having to create new ones to cover the original ones. If you have been “secreting” anything in any relationship, come clean with honesty, transparency, and asking for forgiveness, these are essential for sustaining your relationships. Even if they cannot forgive at the moment—you can work to rebuild and you will at the very least set yourself free on a personal path toward redemption which will hopefully encourage you to be more truthful in the future—both in your relationships and with yourself. Keep looking for the blind spots and building a better you. Feel free to share your thoughts, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Sign up to publish your comments. Login with your email, this gives permission and authentication to publish your content on the site. Click "Sign Up" and login with your email and confirm, once you are signed in you will not have to do it again when you return. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #BetterEveryDay #MentalToughness #servantleadership #stressmanagement #counselingworks #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #relationshipsuccess #mindset #blindspots #SecretsAndLies #counselingworks #emotionalmaturity #relationshipsuccess #secretskillrelationships #secrets #changeyourmindset #selfawarenessispower #truth
- Differing perspectives
What do you see? There are two distinct ladies depicted here. The picture does not change. The illusion is of an old woman and the young woman. This is an amazing example of not 'right or wrong' but having a different perspective. Often, we desire to hang on to the truth we know, seeking to prove the other wrong, as opposed to graciously considering their differing perspective or point of view. [Blind Spot] Looking at conflicts from multiple points of view and perspectives can be enlightening. At times, our mind gets in the way when we are looking at or accepting new possibilities. I can respect your point of view and keep mine also. We are all unique individuals with distinctive backgrounds and life experiences. Our perspectives need to be respected and valued not condemned or cheapened. Learn to see things from a different perspective. Never limit yourself to just one point of view. Keep looking for the blind spots and building a better you. Feel free to share your thoughts, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Sign up to publish your comments. Login with your email, this gives permission and authentication to publish your content on the site. Click "Sign Up" and login with your email and confirm, once you are signed in you will not have to do it again when you return. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #BetterEveryDay #MentalToughness #blindspots #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #relationshipsuccess #mindset #personaldevelopment #changeyourmindset #perspectivechangeseverything #perceptioniskey #TruthMatters #differentperspective